On December 22nd, the Richmond Pioneers held their Christmas Party at the River Rock Casino, at the Runway 26 restaurant.

MC Jim Fitzgerald kicked things off by presenting coach Mike Mogul with a Gift Certificate from the Pioneer Pub in recognition of his much appreciated work for the team.

Graham Mason was selected the team's Most Valuable Player of the year, and Lorne Baumel was presented with the Sportsman of the Year award.

After the presentations, Mike Mogul gave his 'State of the Union' speech, which at times sounded more like a roast.

Here is the full transcript of Mike's speech:

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Just a few words from management. It's great to see such a big turnout. The ladies are all dressed up and look great.

The last year has been quite challenging. Going back to last season, we signed way too many players which in hindsight caused a lot of problems. At times our side line looked more like a chorus line from Michael Flatley's Riverdance in Vegas.

This year we have managed to get the numbers down and are back to being a competitive team with all the guys being able to get a decent run. We must be doing OK this winter, as I haven't seen the elderly Chinese lady in the stands ridiculing us like last year!

First of all, a special thanks to John Tsang who does most of the phoning and emailing and handles the money, and is a valuable player to us on the field. Johnny is different from most of the 'soccer sluts' who carry a shirt of every different colour in their kitbag. Instead, Johnny simply wears them all on his back, if you know what I mean!

It's nice to see Ken Johnston back with us. We all missed his goals and all around team play. Also, thanks for all your work in allocating parks for the 40s and 50s in Richmond, each and every week.

Thanks Graham Mason, for your great comeback season on the field and for your insightful game reports on the Pioneer website. It creates so much banter-and some controversy–before games, and after games, when it really heats up at the Pioneer Pub.

Which brings us to the 'Ideas Man', the 'Assman', 'Fluffy', the man with the beautiful hair, our favourite Irishman Jim Fitzgerald. You have turned back the clock: You are playing better now than you have for years. Finally being 'allowed out of the cage' scoring in three consecutive games. Thanks for your support and advice.

Now we have the Rocket, Evgeni Kushnir. A guy you don't want to play against. He can play with finesse, or he can go right through you rather than go around you. He's at the top of his game right now, very strong week in, week out.

Thanks to John Murphy, who is no threat to Cal Ripken's ironman record! John recently played in seven consecutive games, which easily beat his previous personal best of two! We had a lot of fun teasing him about his 'streak'. John has a way of saying the funniest things and keeping us loose when things get tense.

Thanks to Danny Lazar, for un-retiring, for all your goals, and your all around team play. Thanks Peter Voetmann for organizing Sunday morning kickarounds in the summer, and the Tuesday evening training sessions in the fall/winter. Now all we have to do is to get Richmond parks to open the field! And I'm still impressed how you managed to arrange all those tables so the team could sit together at that seaside pub in Vernon.

And now the signing of the summer, Jim Langlands. Deal maker Jim Fitzgerald convinced him to leave the 'dream team' and return to the Pioneers. When Jim is healthy, or close to it, there are few better than him.

Thanks to Lorne Baumel, Bobby Heron and Tony McBride—great team guys who always seem to be the ones to put the nets up, or take them down. Thanks Gary Byrne for finding the rain shelter; and also for finding all those out-of-the-way quiet pubs in Vernon and Penticton, and for making those timely saves.

Now we have Ken "it's a bullshit" Kan a long-standing Pioneer who also plays well at different positions including sweeper, right fullback, and right half—just don't let him take a penalty shot! Dennis Luk is your classic team guy will play any position asked of him and never complains about how much playing time he gets. Right now he is on the sidelines with a stomach virus. We hope for a speedy recovery.

Thanks Dave Valitis for all your work for the Pioneer Pub soccer team and at Liz Langlands' meat draws. We made Dave's year when we went out and bought the Chelsea strip. Now all we have to do is go on a diet so can fit into them!

Nice to see Denis Harvington back and playing after his health problems. We were at our best when you were at your best.

And nice to see Ken Marshall here, a part-time 'layabout'. Rumour has it he will be a full-time layabout this summer. Ken has made a complete recovery from quintuple bypass heart surgery. Now for a little trivia: Ken has all German appliances in his house. He even has a German-made steam iron!

And then there is the Dutchman, Casey van Staal. He's been playing well, but has missed some games through his work. We'd better be nice to him, he has a big sailboat so you never know, there could be a Pioneer cruise this summer.

Now to my roommate in Vernon, Ken Swanston. Mister Versatile, he has played all midfield positions, centre-back and goalie, and never complains. Just don't tell him not to wear a toque! And the funniest thing I ever saw in sports is when he had the warm-up pants wardrobe malfunction a couple of years ago. Ken, just another reminder: All league games start at 10:00am! Also, congratulations to Ken and wife Paulette for becoming new grandparents.

Eric Stepura could be our MVP in most games. We have to thank him for anchoring a somewhat shaky defence and keeping us in the game. Now, if we could get those lights turned on if and whenever we play again on Tuesday nights!

In the past year, we lost a good friend of not just ours, but everyone at the Pioneer Pub, Ted Latimer. Liz Langlands just had a meat draw in Ted's honour, raising $700 for the Heart and Stroke and Cancer foundations.

Liz has plans for a bike ride and pledge drive on May 10th, followed by a pub night, tentatively planned for the Pumphouse.

I'd like to thank Liz for her help with the Pioneer team fundraising meat draws and Jan Valitis too, who also helped Liz at her fundraisers.

What started as a few words from management has turned into a few hundred words. That's what happens when you are a layabout and have time on your hands!

Have a great time, enjoy the food, win some money on the slots before your leave, and drive home carefully.

Thank you.

Mike Mogul