"Sexy football is coming to Airdrie United one way or another."
Airdrie chairman Jim Ballantyne after agreeing a sponsorship deal with a local strip club.

"Robert said I was picking the wrong team. At the time I was - because he was in it!"
Newcastle manager Sir Bobby Robson on his fall-out with Laurent Robert.

"I was sitting with my girlfriend feeling very unfulfilled."
Ouch! Wycombe boss Tony Adams explains why he decided to try his luck at club management.

"We need a goalkeeper, right-back, maybe a centre-half, left-back, a couple of midfielders, and a couple of strikers."
Tony Adams sees room for improvement at Wycombe after just 11 games in charge.

"I want to shake off my bad-boy image."
Jody Morris on joining Leeds from Chelsea. His tackle on Burnley's Glen Little on his debut would spark a 20-man brawl and he would be suspended in October after being accused of rape in court.

"Are you trying to tell me there's a bigger club than Everton?"
Everton owner Bill Kenwright when asked if Wayne Rooney might eventually join a 'bigger club'.

"There's only one team in Europe you can leave Manchester United for - and that's Real Madrid or Barcelona."
John Aldridge possibly wonders why he ever took up TV punditry.

"Do I want to sign him? Never, never, never. Nothing. Never, never, never. I'm happy with the players we have here."
Real Madrid president Florentino Perez on David Beckham back in April.

Rob McLean: “John Hartson is playing superbly today.”
Sandy Clark: “Yes Rob, there’s no one better today.”
McLean: “So Sandy, who is your man of the match?”
Clark: “Alan Thompson.”

“We’ll have more football later. Meanwhile, here are the highlights from the Scottish Cup final.”
ITV’s Gary Newbon

“There could be fatalities – or, even worse, injuries.”
Phil Neal, looking forward to England’s trip to Turkey

“I don’t think Lee Bowyer is racist at all, I think he would stamp on anybody’s head.”
Rodney Marsh

“Can you please tell us – what language is he speaking?”
Romanian television station TVR after being sent a tape of a Gordon Strachan press conference

“Although we are playing Russian Roulette we are obviously playing Catch-22 at the moment and it’s a difficult scenario to get my head round.”
Paul Sturrock, Plymouth Argyle FC

“The man we want has to fit a certain profile. Is he a top coach? Would the players respect him? Is he a nutcase?”
David Pleat on candidates for the Spurs’ job.

“As long as no-one scored, it was always going to be close.”
Arsene Wenger (Arsenal)

“I want to win the league with Everton.”
Wayne Rooney has them rolling in the aisles

“The Scottish Football Association are nothing but a bunch of perpendicular ponces ... they are like a fly around a cow’s backside.”
Dundee director Giovanni Di Stefano

“Why do people keep signing Nick Barmby?”
Jimmy Greaves

“I’ve achieved nothing, I’ve won nothing, and that’s why I am here.”
Harry Kewell on why he joined Liverpool

“It’s going to be difficult for me – I’ve never had to learn a language and now I do.”
David Beckham after his move to Madrid

“I am not dreaming about Arsenal. You need huge qualities to go there and there are already so many great players at the club. If I have the chance to go to England, I will aim on a level below Arsenal. I like Tottenham very much.”
Lens midfielder Antoine Sibierski

“If we had taken our chances we would have won – at least.”
David O’Leary (Aston Villa)

“If you can get through the first round you have a good chance of getting into the next one.”
Nigel Worthington (Norwich)

“That’s going to happen a lot, teams will be at their most dangerous against us when we have the ball.”
Dave Jones (Wolves)

“All I’m saying is it was a cold night.”
James Grady of Partick after his moment of exposure on live television against Celtic

“I’m trying to be careful what I say but the referee was useless.”
Dave Jones on Uriah Rennie

“He will probably wake up after having sleepless nights thinking about that one.”
Alan Parry

“And he signals to the bench with his groin.”
Five Live’s Mark Bright

“We have the fan base to take on any club in Europe, so our aim is not to be in the Premier League but to be in the top echelon of the Premier League and consequently in the Champions League. That is the only place which Welsh people will accept”
Cardiff owner Sam Hammam gets a bit carried away after their Division Two play-off victory

"We looked like Real Madrid last week when we beat West Ham, but we looked like the Rose and Crown this week
Rotherham boss Ronnie Moore after his side's 3-0 home defeat by Wigan.